Saturday, March 31
i was just reflecting on what happened this week in sch..and i tracked the events which happened since mon, even in the midst of the unfortunate events, i see the light at the end of the road, and i thank God for this change in events...wed, thur and fri have been the great change..its because since wed, my perspective changed and my confidence regained...and did i mention? its because i have my roots grounded in the right soil and i know where my source of motivation is..i also know i have my family behind me to support me...and through the 3 days, i see the blessings i received...and i'm thankful for being able to overcome the difficulties..for the glory of God is upon me...i shared all these with my cell grp today..i wished i had being able to share more details with them but maybe it wasn't necessarily...most imptly is to recognize who has the eventual victory...today was the last prayer mtg for this season...and my heart cries out for the lost, for those who have a need in their heart, whose lives are not complete, those who needs true love...my compassion reaches out to them...where are they now? let my tears be shed for them..not out of pitiness for them but because of the desire for breakthrough in their lives....and i claim the victory that i will see the miracles in their lives....
jel; 11:28 pm
Friday, March 30
haha..its the end of the week...thats gd news...but this weekend will be super busy..in fact, my entire weekend has already being mapped out for me...but i'm definitely looking forward to all those commitments..cause i'll be spending time with my church family...in fact the entire weekend will be spent with them...tmr from 12 noon will be helping out my pastor in a training session, then meeting my spiritual family from 5 then 7 meeting my pastor again with the rest of my network family for our last prayer mtg...and sunday needless to say, its time spent at church...and i'm looking forward to exciting things happening during this weekend..and after this weekend i'm anticipating greater things to happen next week....
jel; 8:39 pm
Thursday, March 29
went through quite a bit these past few days....can't describe how i'm feeling now...but i need now is really a heart of peace and stability...to handle whatever it is....but i've been listening to this song for repeatedly today..'everlasting God' by Chris Tomlin...this song really speak into my heart, esp for everything which i'm facing these few days...
"Everlasting God"
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
jel; 8:40 pm
Tuesday, March 27
just came back home from a dinner with kenneth and fellow bros...i believe it is not by coincidence that today was the dinner date with them and today was just the day i needed that spiritual support from my family...i shared with kenneth abt what happened to me today and his words of wisdom really helped me to widen my perspective..its not the first time i heard those words but he reminded me of them at the pt when i seemed to have forgotten them....and i thank God for this spiritual family...for they provided me with the support and love to pull me through the times....
jel; 11:11 pm
Monday, March 26
haha...can't help but to express my joy!joyous because i know my life is in full control despite the high stress level these few days...i managed to take some time off today to catch up with some students and i know tmr will be a greater day too! i just know that....just to highlight something which happened on sat night...i received a message which says:i thank God for u..you're a blessing to me too...just a simple message lk that...but it means a lot to me..indeed, i want my life to be a miracle for others, to be a blessing to the ones ard me...and may the glory of God shine through me always!
jel; 10:29 pm
Sunday, March 25
my heart rejoices!because of the lives which He has blessed me with..these lives which are entrusted to me are so precious...and i treasure the opportunities which are given to me..i thank God for showing me just now someone who has been such a blessing to me all these while..blessing in such a way that i can share my life values and impart my life to...and indeed, i'm blessed with such an opportunity...my heart rejoices at the fact that my life can be used in such a way...to bless the many other lives given to me...and i will continue to do that..to bless others and for my life to be a miracle...only through the Lord will i be able to do all these...
jel; 12:04 am
Friday, March 23
you know why God is always so great?He brought such great joy to me just now...not because of something great which happened...its just a simple reassurance for me..the purpose of why i'm teaching now at nchs...He placed in my heart the assurance of what i've been doing thus far...and simply because of the assurance, i know that the reward is at the end of the road...its to walk in faith, not by sight..for whatever you can see ahead of you is to walk with your eyes..but what u can't see is faith....and thank you Lord for blessing me in such a way...i am confident of what i'm doing now and will continue to fight this battle till the very end...
jel; 10:55 pm
i was much hurt by this conversation i had with one student just now...student: i just filled up the content page as per what i had..didn't follow the content page which you passed to our class..most of the students in my class didn't follow that either...me: why? i thought i told you the other day i would prepare a content page for all of you since it will provide much convenience?student: i thought you wldn't do it...your words always speak louder than action...was taken aback by what i heard...when have i ever done that? and the fact that these words came from a conscientious student hurt me more...i rmbed rushing through a content page for the classes right after i realized how the classes wldn't be able to make it w/o one...u mean my efforts are all wasted? i know one content page wldn't make a big deal, but the students' attitudes towards the filing will hurt me....my intention have once again failed...in fact, i believe that many wld not have handed up yet...i'll have to see what happens on monday..i hope i will get too disappointed towards it....its weird that just one single comment lk this can hurt me...although i dun understand the rationale behind that comment, but i'll still take it as a positive/ constructive feedback....its not the first time my students have disappointed me in one way or another....and each time, i stand victorious, not admitting defeat...and i'll persevere on for i look at not what is in front of me, but the light at the end of the road...
jel; 3:55 pm
Thursday, March 22
a sweet-looking, young gal who probably have not lost all her innonence...within the outer physical appearance, lies distrust, lack of love and faith...having to put aside the issues and problems of a troubled family...my heart reaches out to her..for i used to be struck in that family entanglement...and i understand how it feels..but i blessed with much love from my mum...love which i didn't discover till much later...i wonder how different the situation will be if she experiences the father's love? in this sense, i'm not only talking abt love from her father, but also the love of the Lord, the Father's love...how great the Father's love is...the love which brings healing to all hurts and pains and brings out the joy from the bottom of your heart...and my prayer to her: that one day, she will be blessed with joy, joy coming from the love which she always yearn for....
jel; 8:11 pm
Wednesday, March 21
the stress is rising....now busy with preparing for class tests, setting mid-yr papers, preparing lesson slides, marking usual stacks of homework, doing filing, thinking of ways to improve their grades, preparing notes...all these work that i've just mentioned multiply by 2..cause i have sec ones and threes..can u imagine that???...and today i've realized, how the coming chapters are quite heavy loaded with content which i need to deliver to the students...both sec ones and threes..and now i'm wondering how i'll have to finish the syllabus for their mid-yr exams....just thinking of all these are piling up the stress level...and the worst of worst is, i'll always have to divide my attention between the sec ones and threes...having to handle both sides is tough...but i don't ever want to neglect any side..its unfair to them...but having to concentrate on delivering the lessons and guiding my students from both sides is really tough...the next 2 months will be a time of faith and trust in the Lord...for He to bless me that peace in my heart so that i will not stress out...i'm going to trust Him to carry out my tasks and responsibilities in the best possible way...and i'm confident in what He can do in me..and i'm sure my God will bring the victory out of all these! Looking forward to the fruits of my labour....
jel; 8:24 pm
Tuesday, March 20
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.-1 Cor 13this is my love language..from 1 Corinthians 13 in the bible...i stick by this as what true love really is...what true, unconditional love should be...i wld not dare to say i have achieved this standard of love yet, but i use it as a standard and model for me...and i ask of the Lord to bless me with this love, this love which i receive from Him..it is only when i experience this love from the Lord that i'm able to love others with the this same love...and love does not mean the love between couples but also towards those ard you...for we are called to love our neighbours as well...let me continue to seek the joy from this true love...
jel; 9:16 pm
Monday, March 19
just received photos from aileen...thought this photo is pretty nice...this was taken when we were at chinatown with the sec ones...
jel; 11:08 pm
Sunday, March 18
g12 conference has ended yest and boy, was that such a purposeful event because the Lord brought back in me the joy and faith to understand many issues...there is personal restoration of the heart and more imptly, i am indeed refreshed and recharged in God and i'm looking ahead for more challenges ahead...don't really have much time to type a long entry but just preparing my heart and looking forward to start of school term tmr...and i hope my heart can be shared with the many others out there...
jel; 9:38 pm
Friday, March 16
currently at kenneth's house...having g12 conference these few days, but now is the break for men as the womens' session is going now...so we guys are hanging out at kenneth's place...had some reflective learnings from the conference so far...not the time now to share yet as i have not processed it and one thing which really struck me deep for this morning's session is the point about fathering..abt the impartation of my life to others...who is the person whom you want your sons to be like? who i am is really who my sons will be like because we reflect who our spiritual father is..i'm personally fathered by my spiritual father, kenneth, who never fails to guide me through this journey in life...i hold myself accountable to him for my actions because i have been entrusted to him for my walk with God...mentioned this quite some time ago, but for those do not know, i've found back a father's love through kenneth and through him i've received and experienced how a father should love a son...i'm blessed and thankful for this experience of love...and i'm in the process of learning abt fathering...its really about the impartation of your life experiences with my spiritual sons, so that they too can share the same passion and vision with me...and i pray for my spiritual sons..they've yet to come but i trust God that one day i'll find them and with all my heart, i'll go through this process of fathering with them and may they grow to love God just as i do...
jel; 4:36 pm
Wednesday, March 14
kenneth called me just now...received news from him...what does the news mean to me? i wonder.....how does it affect me?will i be doing the same thing? definitely not...the responsibilites will be greater, thats for sure...will it mean more time and sacrifice? yes of courseam i ready for the changes? well, the news came fast and unexpected, but its the changes which I'm glad to accept and most willing to do...for these for the Lord, i'm anticipating the changes ahead of me and look forward to the challenges ahead..but Lord, prepare my heart to be ready to adjust to the changes and to accept the challenges ahead...
jel; 11:16 pm
my conversation with God:
what is your motive behind doing it? i cannot find a gd reason behind it...i admit...what will happen then? i come out of it stronger..with a greater desire to do what is pleasing to Youyou want a breakthrough? yes, of courseof coursethen start to reverse what has been done...to influence then to be influenced...draw close to Me as I draw close to you..
jel; 5:39 pm
halfway through the hols..felt lk i didn't get to do much at all...more imptly, i'm reflecting whether i have done what i've intended to do this hols- to recharge and refresh in God...i want to see breakthroughs in my relationship with Him, to see changes and improvements, not to fall further in the relationship...and to see miracles happening, to see His will be done on me...so far, i've seen improvements but not to the extent which i desire..i'm pressing on, i'm holding on to the promise till i see the breakthroughs...meanwhile, i'll have to learn to trust and be guided in this journey...Lord, let me draw closer to You...
jel; 4:20 pm
Sunday, March 11
realized i've been sharing a lot of my thoughts and feelings for the previous posts...thats who i am, a person who simply is sensitive to his surroundings and thoughts just come abt from interaction with the surroundings...if u realized by now, i seldom recount day-to-day activities...i used to do that in the past (if u look at my archives), but felt it was very redundant...doesn't serve much meaning and purpose...something which i need to request from the Lord now..urgently...i need Your guidance and protection over me as i seek to do the things right in Your eyes...i know i'm taking a risk now, but with You around to watch over me, i know things will be under control....i trust You Lord...let Your will be done...
jel; 10:40 pm
Saturday, March 10
this song's bible reference is psalms 23..this song will stay in my playlist for quite for some time, i guess...indeed, He'll nv let go of anyone, even to those who have not known the Lord yet..and i firmly believe in that...thats why i always thank Him for every opportunity He has blessed me with...for He nv let go of anyone in this world...
jel; 9:00 am
what a great morning!
the morning was so great that i had to blog abt it...cannot dismiss the gd things that are happening..thanks be to God who made all things possible....
woke up super early to go to gym but end up decided not to go...but wonderful things result from that....had a surprise morning chat with a yg and impressionable boy...dunno whether he reads my blog...but hope he's doing fine now...may the Lord stay with him throughout this period....
was listening to matt redman's "You never let go"...a spirit-filled song...and listening to this song repeatedly really brings emotions to my heart as i relate to the lyrics of the song..my spirit was lifted up even as my heart was touched by the comfort of His reality in my life..thats what a powerful song can bring to you...to heal you and bring changes to your state of emotion...
You Never Let GoEven though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death,
Your perfect love is casting out fear.
And even when I´m caught in the middle
Of the storms of this life,
I won´t turn back; I know You are near.
And I will fear no evil,
For my God is with me.
And if my God is with me,
Whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?
O no, You never let go,
Through the calm and through the storm
O no, You never let go,
In every high and every low
O no, You never let go, Lord You never let go of me.
And I can see a light that is coming
for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare.
And there will be an end to these troubles,
But until that day comes,
We´ll live to know You here on the earth.
Yes, I can see a light that is coming
For the heart that holds on,
And there will be an end
To these troubles,
But until that day comes,
Still I will praise You,
Still I will praise You.
jel; 8:51 am
Friday, March 9
a joy of discovery today...sometimes the joy u received in a whole day is not from a favourite electronic device which you've bought or the fun you have outside...but from discovering a man of pure heart..a heart of gold...well, in my case, he may not be of a whole pure heart of gold yet, but its the surprise discovery of a person who may seem lk a 'rotten' apple from the exterior but is actually a treasure within...its the joy of discovering and appreciating this person from a new whole perspective....and more imptly, its the joy of getting the opportunity in knowing his heart and intention...its a heart of gold awaiting to be moulded to regain its true value...i'm really thankful for who he really is within, that he's not the one i perceived him to be but the true man who stands tall in his values...well, his 'split' personality begs to differ, but his intentions are right to begin with...its a blessing and joy simply from rediscovering him...and i'm very sure he'll grow up to be the fine, young gentleman that he really is...and that simple discovery is the greatest joy for me today...
jel; 10:31 pm
Thursday, March 8
felt deeply for someone today...it saddens me when the children are victims of their parents' disputes...some parents are just not considerate towards their children...who suffers more when they quarrel? its their children....children who simply have to stand at the side and look from far, saddened by the scene they witness when parents fight..and the worst thing is they can't do anything abt it!such is the heart of children, lk the one i was chatting with today...a sensible person who has been badly affected by the actions of inconsiderate parents...my heart reaches to him..after hearing his intention and emotions, i came to realise the sensible and filial side of him...and he somehow reminded me of myself...i see part of my life reflected in him...maybe we just happen to share similar situations in life...but i've gone past that stage in life and moved on...so i really need to spur him on with his life...he definitely don't deserve all this at such a yg age..but i can see the strength which is pulling him strong...and i'm glad for him...i'm not trying to be the Saviour but instead, being the vessel to carry out the purposes in my life...and i pray he will see the light in his life one day and be brought to freedom and joy...
jel; 9:30 pm
Wednesday, March 7
i'm looking forward to brighter days ahead...let life be hopeful..its possible, if only we hold on to this purpose we have for our lives....i realised why i was feeling down the past few days...its because i lost focus on where my direction is,..i lost focus on what the purpose for the life i'm leading...and its dangerous, cause your life just seemed to be so lost...that was how i felt previously...nothing seemed to go the way it shld be and i allowed the situations to sink into me...and for that moment, i lost focus of my position in Christ....but thanks be to God, who always bring us into triumphal procession in Christ- 2Cor 2:14i end this race victorious as i overcome the battle...i regained what the hope of my life is, the source of motivation and the passion to spur on...and i nv wan to lose sight or let go of that...as what my tribe tee says: let my life be a miracle...i want my life to be a miracle, for the goodness of those whom i've blessed...
jel; 7:08 pm
didn't manage to publish a previous post which i've typed on mon...dun know why..blogger always have this happening..so i'll get pretty irritated..anw, mon's post was a reflection abt my emotions that day...maybe its not meant to be published anw....have been reflecting on the things i've being doing in my classes for the past 3 days...and certain things definitely i've done them in the wrong way, resulting in the consequences i'm facing now....well, i'm taking them as lessons for reflection and change...its disappointing when my intentions go the wrong way...whatever i've planned came out the wrong way and i always seek for the reason why...i have not found the right answer to my question but at least now i know what is wrong...just to mention the quote which i typed in that 'lost' post: the end of me is the beginning of God...how true is that...only when i've decided to let go of myself and not hold on to things that God can take over the control of my life...
jel; 6:59 pm
Monday, March 5
dun know why i've decided to blog now...just feeling super bored now..not that i have nothing to do, just that i dun feel lk doing anything else now..just random surfing websites and finding pple to chat with...
jel; 9:52 pm
Sunday, March 4
yest was a purposeful day....sometimes its not just the activity that we do, its the interaction we have which makes the day more meaningful...i've always felt that social activities should not be just about carrying out if activities...interaction and communication play important parts....getting to know one another better...eventually, its not the activities which will bring you the joy and the memories days down the road, but the understanding and the camaraderie which you share that will last...Thank you the wonderful times spent yest and the memories which will last...
jel; 9:53 am
Friday, March 2
You know something?My Lord is always so gracious to me...why do i say that? Because I always get to end off the day with joy in my heart...its almost impossible to achieve that state of joy everyday based on my own abilities, thats why credit goes to Him who always bless and protect my every day..thank you!have you ever had someone who looks quite lk you, have this weird chemistry with you and a whole lot of other unique similarities with you that it seemed lk you 2 are lk long-lost brothers? well, recently i discovered one..haha...and its lk a blessing to me..he seems lk a smaller bro to me..or maybe lk a son to me..but i guess for now, he's lk my yger bro...its interesting to share my life lessons and experiences with him, to be a gd influence for him and more importantly, to share the same pure heart and passion in life...thank you Lord for placing someone lk him in my life now...
jel; 9:43 pm
