Friday, June 2

i was waiting for my bus home just now and was getting pretty impatient for the long wait..i only managed to book out at 9 plus, had a very late dinner after that (was famish by then) and i'm anxious to get home asap but the bus just refused to arrive....then, just at that moment, i just felt my emotions being let loose...it could not handle how i was feeling at that spur of the moment..

perhaps its the stress that i had being building up...the last blow of stress coming from the anxiety of trying to reach home...i began to recall the events of this week...it seemed quite well..i was able to handle the situation ard me despite facing difficulties...but maybe i was too busy to fully absorb the full implications of the stress or maybe its because i was alone and i need not put on a brave front...

its being the same situation that i've being facing for the past few weeks...but this third consecutive week in a row is wearing us out mentally...furthermore, as the date to the exercise gets nearer, the situation worsens.....being faced with last minute changes and last minute tasks, shortage of manpower, overstretching of manpower, overloading of job tasks, indecisive minds...and sometimes, people in the lower ranks suffer as a result of all these actions by the higher ranks...i've been talking to thomas abt the situation he's facing in this camp and i've been advising him, giving encouragement to him...and just now i realised i'm not free from problems and i too need the encouragement to pull through...

i had enough of talking abt the same situation i'm facing in camp..i've mentioned in a previous entry not to let my mind be overwhelmed entirely by this, but today i'm simply forced to recall all these on my way home...it more of a reflection for me than something which is bothering me....and it just allowed me to calm my feelings down as i recalled how by the grace of God, He has provided me the strength and encouragement to pull through the week...i wldn't have gone throught this week the way i did if it wasn't for the trust and belief i had in Him...

something which i shared with thomas which has helped me as a reminder....the world doesn't centre ard me...its all abt others, how i put others before myself and allow this perspective to sink into me...no matter how undesirable the situation is and how much sacrifice you need to make, ultimately its how i nv surrender to the situation but instead to allow the situation to strengthen my believes and allows me to grow stronger....

sunday is the start of the exercise...the start of everything that we have been preparing for...and i'll let my faith to bring me through the situation i need to handle...

jel; 11:59 pm