Thursday, March 30
alone in the office now...its nights off today but somehow i didn't feel lk booking out...and the heavy rain just now didn't help at all...the coumpound is rather quiet and peaceful now...and somehow i do enjoy this sort of peacefulnessand loneliness...rather contradicting from my morning entry...maybe its because i lk to step out of the crowd once in a while to pause and reflect what i've been doing...
am i being led by the crowd due to peer pressures? are the influences of this world too overpowering? are the voices and distractions of the world causing me to be lost in this wide and aimless road?
its really easy to be lost..and to believe in the wrong values which may seem to be right cause they are so widespread in this society that its long been percieved as acceptable by the society...it really takes a heart which is truly aligned with the words of God to keep one on the only right track...one that is narrow, one fulled with obstacles, one that is tough and challenging...and hope provides this inspiration for me to finish the road that i have taken...to fulfill the purpose that He has for me...
jel; 9:28 pm
just came back from plc duty...for the past few days, have being doing night shifts and going back home during the morning to rest...although i did get to so called stay out, i didn't quite enjoy it cause i seemed to have lost touch with a lot of pple during the last few days...it was just the few pple i meet during my duty and then me myself and i during my rest time in the day cause i sort of assumed that everyone else i know wld be busy with work/school...the human interaction and communication decreased to a much lower level and it prob caused me to feel more dull...and it doesn't help that i was down with a flu and sore throat since sun night and it hasn't recovered completely till now...anw, i'm so glad that its all over now...and to make things worst for this week, i having guard duty tmr and there is a possibility that i may need to come back camp on sun for some stuff which i'm not directly involved in...but i'm not going to be too concerned over whats happening...need to go get some sleep now, feeling damn tired....
jel; 10:06 am
Sunday, March 26
my mum finally approved of my baptism! this morning when i woke up, i was surprised to find my form being signed..for the past 2 weeks, i was disappointed once again each time i find the form unsigned..and last night just before i slept, my mum was still insistent that she wld not sign and her decision was stated clearly...for the past 2 weeks, she had been quite unwilling and against the idea of having the baptism so soon and that i had to listen to her this time...and last night before i slept, it was prob my last cry out to God to really hel[p me before she leaves tonight and my prayer was answered firswt thing i woke up in the morning..how awesome..ny faith, i claim His power to do the impossible..it has really not been an easy task these 2 weeks, to struggle to face the reality and to overcome unexpected obstacles..and of course, throughout these 2 weeks, my heart has been true in the cries i made...the sincerity was seen and the efforts out in acknowledged..thank God for putting my faith into another test and it has made me stronger and draw closer to Him...
to those out there who face similar difficulties ans are currently still struggling, i really encourage you to fight on stronger or even stronger than before...let the spirit of conquer be with you and nv let defeat overcome you cause as long as you believe in God, you'll lead the extraordinary life that He meant for you...
now is work on my salvation testimony and come 28 apr, a new life is born...
jel; 9:09 pm
Saturday, March 25
"just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts" -Isaiah 55:9
i guess i have to learn to really trust the Lord and believe in G.A.Y.A.-God's agenda above your agenda. Sometimes, things do not go the way i wished it wld be cause He has His intentions for you and His plans for you are always the best..i guess this is the time when i'll be put in a situation which i wld not have hoped it'll happen if i have my way..but of course, this is a self-centred thought ..and one of the values for the g12 vision is to leave my comfort zone in order to conquer..i guess i'll be leaving my comfort zone soon...i dun know when and i really dun know how its going to be lk...but one things for sure..i'm not going to be overcome by fear and worry ...cause i know this discomfort zone will be the platform best intended for me, where i can build and challenge my faith and of course to fulfill His purpose for me...
jel; 11:51 pm
A reflection for today..it just occured to me how focused my mind is now at this moment..it jsut further testify my statement in my testimonial for EW to let my mind not to be focused on worldly possessions but to be God-driven in everything i do..i no longer spend wkends after wkends doing things which i soon realised its a waste of time..things lk watching movies, tv, reading magazines..not to say that i've totally lost interest in these areas or cut myself off from these activities..just that these are no longer my priorities and i've moved away from the past where these areas were almost becoming obessions and these were done for my self-satisfaction (and thats the main prob) but all these are in the past when my life is a mess..i wld say i'm still learning how to use my time more efficiently and effectively but i know what my priorities now and its much easier o plan and manage my time..i foresee a new challenge when i return to mu studies nxt yr when time wld be tight but as i've mentioned, there is no fear for it...
i've also learned to mange my finances in a more responsible manner..i used to literally be obessed on materialistic possessions and wld always end up buying things that i set my mind on...for example, i wld end up buying cds almost every wk cause i always can't decide which one and end up buying everything...but today, i relaised my mind is no longer troubled abt having to choose what to buy because all these materialistic possessions are not the focus of my mind..there is definitely a wiser mind which make wiser choices in my purchases...and i'm still continuously learning with each experience...
jel; 10:58 pm
Wednesday, March 22
i just read from th's blog abt the key to a spirit-filled life is to yield and submit to the Spirit and it begins with the mundane and little things like curbing your temper while driving, inhibiting yourself from gossipping, binding yourself to loving your enemies....and through that you will begin to feel His Spirit rising up within you..how true that is...i try to be more tactful here as i make this comment...just this week along, i was made to work with a few pple whom i'm wouldn't have chosen if given a choice...and initially, i was exactly hoping i can work alone instead...but i made an attempt to work with them, knowing that i can't stay within my comfort zone all the time...and it was really a test of my faith when i was placed in an uncomfortable situation...the entire experience actually turned out to be better than expected cause through the process, i did learn to express my emotions in a much better manner and it gave me a wider perspective on certain issues...i'm really glad i went through all these...
jel; 1:06 pm
i was writing out my testimony on mon night on my experience during g12 conference last weekend..and it made me realise how much i've experienced throughout those 4 days (including service on sun)...although it can be quite boring at the thought of spending practically my entire book-out time at expo, but the there's really so much more that have given back to me, more than i've asked for and i really thank God for that...here are some excerpts from my testimony which still has some parts to be added on...
"From what Pastor Cesar had preached, I know that I longer need to fear cause the Holy Spirit who lives in me is far greater than the spirit of fear. I realised that the spirit of fear which lives within me in the past has always been a hurdle for me in understanding things on a wider perspective. With this spirit renounced, I am prepared now in scaling greater heights in serving God. With the strength provided by the Holy Spirit, nothing is achieved by faith. This has allowed me to have greater dreams for Him casue I know that He has called me to do the extraordinary."
"I was particularly touched by the scene where Pastor Cesar washed the feet of Pastor Khong. God honours mighty men of valour who are loyal to their spiritual fathers. It was such a symbolic act of love shown to his spiritual son, for the loyalty that Pastor Khong has shown to him. For the first time, I see true love being displayed from a father to a son, which is so representative of the love God showers to His sons. The realisation that true love does exist in this world really touched my heart and reaffirmed the fact that I too can have this same love for both my natural and spiritual family. It is such a blessing to recieve true love and be able to express it to others at the same time."
"I root my prayer on B.I.G- Believe In God. I dare to believe cause I know He is going to do miracles in my life and even more that I'm asking for. I'm now living my extraordinary life with the uncommon power that God has given me, to fulfill the dream I have for Him."
jel; 12:31 pm
Monday, March 20
being a Christian means that you will always be under the scrutiny of others... the world wun hesitate to penalise you the moment you commit any mistakes. i would say its very hard to lead a Christian life... in fact, it is impossible to lead a Christian life based purely on the abilities of humans... it is only through faith that you can achieve that... each day i am going through this test of faith, and reflecting His Glory in everything i do... i am very disappointed in people who call themselves Christians and yet fall short of His Glory... but i do hope that they realise what they are doing.
jel; 1:03 pm
last night on my way home on the bus, i was crying out for an answer..my mind was just bursting with qns...why? what? how?...it was later that i had an answer...
it is a test..a test of faith..a challenge set for me and i'm accepting it..a fresh wave of confidence surged back into me..my mind was clearer then...although it wasn't a direct answer, but i understand why now...no longer am i living in the past...i'm dreaming of the future, to live in the future...i'm looking forward to that day, a day when words can't express the joy in my heart....
jel; 7:35 am
Sunday, March 19
over the weekend, i was shown small acts of kindness and help which may seem insignificant but left an impression in me...sometimes its easy to commit yourself to bigger acts of kindnessn during your daily routine, but to go the extra miles even in small, rather insignificant areas of others lives is a much more difficult task...2 things i rmbed
1. giving me a call to offer a ride back when i almost missed my last bus back
2. helping to tear off the excess wrapper from the tube of sweets before passing back to me
i was kinda touched by the first one...well, those are only 2 of the examples that i cld still rmb...dun assume no one will place importance in those actions cause you'll nv know when someone wld really appreciate the effort you've put in and what you've done for them...
jel; 9:39 pm
Friday, March 17
staying over at lance's hs tonight...can't imagine having to go back home late at night and having to return to expo early next morning...anw, its the end of the second day of g12 conference...tmr is the last day...its really a wonderful sight to see pastors and representatives from all over the nations gathering tog at the max pavilion...6000 pple filling up the entire auditorium...its really an awesome sight to behold...its really makes one work harder towards fulfilling the dream of filling the auditorium lk this for each service too...there are visitors from various countries lk korea, thailand, japan, malaysia, taiwan, hong kong....and some of these places have only a small minority of pple who have known Him and it really the desire to open up the gates and boundaries to expland His Kingdom in these places...will be updating more on the g12 conference after it ends...anw, more to come tmr too...Praise the Lord!p.s: check out www.g12asia.com to check out more if u dun know what g12 conference is abt...
jel; 11:39 pm
Thursday, March 16
watched the vcd that bracer brought last night at the enlistee's mess...thought it was a great documentary...used scientific proofs to explain certain events that occured during Jesus's time..thus confirming the presence of certain phenomenons.....but its quite limited in the stuff that the documentary explained cause eventually, a lot can't be explained solely by scientific proofs and thats where your faith comes into place...will watch the next 2 discs next week tog with bracer...
reactivated my gmail account yest..add is northstarzz12@gmail.com...pls send anything to this account in future if possible...
jel; 12:06 pm
Wednesday, March 15
woa, i really can't stand listening to conversations abt wow the whole day..if u know what wow stands for...whole day in my branch i'll just hear almost everyone talking abt it..day in day out..i really dun understand how they can sustain a conversation on one single topic every moment of their time here...argh...its lk their whole minds are filled with wow thoughts only..i really wonder is that what they think abt the entire day...i guess that must be the case since they chat abt it and play it during every free time they have...i mean how in the world are u going to get on with your life if all u do is play and chat abt it the whole day?...how to be focused in your life if your mind is already being messed up with thoughts abt that? ok, i'm obviously not a fan of games...you can give me a million reasons why playing games wld benefit you but i'll still be disinterested..at least up till now...anw, come on, get on with your lives..life is not just all abt games only..its alright to play to kill time, but hey, know your priorities and keep it at a moderate level...i really hope this wld be fad which wld pass away real soon..if not i doubt i'll be able to carry on conversations if all these pple do is chat abt wow ...
jel; 12:07 pm
woke up this morning to find a vcd on top of my bedside cupboard...took a closer look at it with my half-opened eyes and i knew who left it there the moment i saw the title..thanks bracer! i'll definitely go watch it at home...its such a blessing to know such friends in this camp...
jel; 7:32 am
Tuesday, March 14
ok, i just went to read the news report abt the admission issue...from what is written, smu would have a university special term in mid-april..so i guess thats quite a comfortable date for me..at least i get to fulfill part of my plan and still get to admit into uni at an earlier date...but this intake wld only have ns guys who just ord-ed...its quite sian..lk an extension of army life in a civilian world!...i'll see how first...well, studies is still a higher priority anw...saw an smu reply mail in my inbox just now...was kind of anxious to find out whats the content initially when i click on it but it turns out to be just a confirmation mail...but i do hope we reply me soon...
this is the link to the news article:
http://www.smu.edu.sg/news/2006/13_mar06.asp
jel; 3:48 pm
heard abt the april's admission's for universities next yr last night ...thought that wld be a comfortable period for admission cause there's a few months of rest for me and its not too long either...but smu seems to have a jan intake too..have to clarify and confirm such details soon cause i wld need to decide on the admissions and prepare myself...i had already have plans for the 8 months of rest but now that the news are out, i guess i have to distort my plans according to which intake i wld eventually be entering...
jel; 1:21 pm
Monday, March 13
http://kevan.org/johari?name=jelvin
hey go to this link and contribute your opinions of me! go do it!
jel; 1:17 pm
recalled what was mentioned at pe yest...how a christian girl suffered when her non-christian bf broke off from her after many yrs of relationship....and ps deborah was saying it could be God's calling for her to return back to Him...cause the girl had to lie abt the relationship and fell short of His glory for those few yrs of relationship...and after listening to the entire story, it really reminded me of the similar experience that i went through last yr...i didn't realise what made me have that decision at that point of time and it only occurred to me only a while later what was the reason behind everything that happened when i really grew....
there's a lot of things that i wish to say but its hard to type it out in words but i'll just lk to say i'm sorry for the hurt due to my immaturity at that point of time...
jel; 7:29 am
Saturday, March 11
just a quick update over what happened for the past 2 days..went down straight to harboufront after work to send ken and jerem for their star encounter...it's held at scripture union camp centre...apparently i didn't know the existence of this place till yest..its a old colonial building somewhere near the images of singapore and its a place dedicated for such camps...we only intended to stay there for a while to pray for them but ended up staying there at the hall for the introduction lesson...anw, we ended up walking ard sentosa (cause we didn't want to waste the trip there) and started taking photos...which was pretty weird cause its lk 3 guys taking photos on fri night at sentosa...haha..but it was quite fun playing ard with jon's camera phone...so basically, i ended up reaching home close to midnight...went to smu open hs today...actually went there twice, first was with alan and then with the rest of black 5...and surprisingly i met quite a few friends over there...friends from camp, church, jc...anw, there wasn't a specific reason why i went there today, just thought of hanging ard the compound, getting a 'feel' of how's the environment lk...i've more or less decided on what i'm planning to do, so iis sorted out for the time being...its already a wonderful well-spent 2 days..guess tmer will be a great end to this weekend..looking forward to next week's events too...
jel; 9:54 pm
Friday, March 10
over at kranji camp today...attached here to do some mundane stuff...came over to the i-net room here during lunchtime...
i always thought it'll be quite lame to record events that happened during the day in blog entries..i felt it'll be better to jot down your feelings and thoughts instead...but i guess events are also equally impt cause i was just clicking on a past entry in my archives the other day and it was the entry for the period oct-nov 04 and that was the time i was having a's and the end of a's...and it just brought back fond memories of that period of time when i was just mugging for my exams, struggling with the stress and also the carefree days i had after the exams...having all the events listed down enabled me to recall every single thing that happened...i just in future i'll just balance how i post my blog entries with events listing and my feelings/thoughts....
once again, i am feeling restricted over the things that i can post online...more especially regarding the topic of my entries as i have to consider over the various pple who may read my blog...of course, it's not lk i'm trying to post entries regarding any sensitive or controversial issues...its just that i have to remind myself that my entries cannot be intended for a particular group of friends and that everyone's interest should be considered...of course, i'll try to retain as much of what i'm intending to say...so i guess i'll slowly learn to balance my entries from now on...
jel; 12:24 pm
Wednesday, March 8
took much effort to change this blog template...its finally completed at long last..anw, i chose this template not because of its design (its not that fantastic), but the idea of one way...it reminds me of the songs that i really lk and having this template will serve as a reminder of the one and only way that i could follow through my life with no turning back...what an appropriate template! i knew i had to use this template the moment i saw it..haha...
jel; 9:17 pm
went for the lion's trail yest...first stop was the changi chapel and museum...went there more than a yr ago during bmt...but there were changes in the places..added new exhibits, lk the one with the murals..can't imagine how resourceful those pple can be at those times of difficulties....the paintings and words were so relevant to those ppple at that time..lk the crucifixion mural where the tour guide explained abt not bearing grudges against those who may have hurt you cause bearing all these will only destroy you, not those who have sinned against you...that verse is so impt when it comes to forgiveness and its smthng which i always remind myself constantly...
"He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." -2 Cor 5:21
this verse came into my mind during that point of time when i saw the mural and its always a reminder of how serious sin is...that He had to send His son to die for our sins...
we went to boat quay later, viewing statues ard that area and the significances behind them...had a chance to visit the new supreme court down the road...anw, everything ended by one and we got to fall out straight from there...the afternoon was just shopping ard the marina/city hall area as well as the shophouses in the boat quay/tanjong pagar area..never explore the latter before so it was rather an eye-opener, discovering new places to eat and shop...overall, today was a pleasant surprise to spend the whole day out of camp and i do appreciate the early fallout given...
jel; 9:29 am
Monday, March 6
End of the first day of the week...you can really see the monday blues in a lot of my branch pple today...they did a lot of weird stuff in the office...anw, without any superiors to overlook our behaviours, everyone was practically feeling careless, which prob partly explains the weird behaviours...
'If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you'-1 Peter 4:14
a verse which i always rmb in my heart....
jel; 5:52 pm
Sunday, March 5
thank God for ending my weekend on a high note...sundays are always a joyful time..i wonder why.hmmm...despite having quite a rough patch since the start of the weekend...
my temper got a bit swayed off on fri...well, no need to elaborate whta had already happened, but i'm not putting any blame on anyone and i do hope no one was taken aback by my temper...but i managed to focus my attention back to the right direction and managed to handle my mood...and i was quite disappointed earlier in the day and last night but it thought me a great lesson and every lesson learned is a opportunity to mature...
anw, i have a challenge for myself...and i set the target to be by christmas this yr...that wld roughly be a yr since jan...and through faith i want to see differences in myself and i want others to see those differences in me...not to elaborate too much but to sum everything up, these changes wld allow me to work towards fulfilling the purposes that were set for me...
love is the motivation to painful labour...with the right kind of love in you, all pains and sufferings would be insignificant...i encourage all of you out there to seek for the right love in your heart..only then would you be able to understand the power of this love..
jel; 10:22 pm
Thursday, March 2
met up with lance and jedd to watch big momma's hs 2 at cathay cine just now...hilarious man..but its just another typical american-style comedy movie...so i treated it as relaxation time to lol in the middle of the week...it was my first time visit to the e2max at cine and i wld say its really quite cool...just that i'm not a gaming person..but its possible to book a private room to watch dvds too...rmbed smthng from what jedd said just now..to put christianity in front in whatever you're doing...so if you're a teacher (just to quote his example), you'ld be a christian teacher...and thats so true...whenever u set your motivation behind your job right, you know where you're headed to and you'll nv feel discouraged by what you're doing...it just spurs me on with whatever i'm facing in camp and i'll always be reminded by the fact that i'll have to bring glory to Him in everything i do..thats what keeps me on...so i encourage all of my bros out there: nv slack in whatever you do, presevere and set a great example of a child of God!jedd, dun worry, i really believe God has great plans for you!..have faith in Him...lance, dun be discouraged..learn from experiences and continue to be motivated and work towards your goal...anw, hope you get your job..looking forward to visiting u at heeren..
jel; 9:32 pm
its march already...oh man, time passed by so fast...8 more months..haha..anw, thanks alan for teaching me how to change the font using the office comps...now, my text wun be so dull and boring...i'm going cmpb later to collect my new isac card, going to leave camp soon...there's really no need to be angry or frustrated over how others behave or their actions cause eventually i'm not the one who's going to judge them...i think i've mentioned this before but i'll always have to remind myself whenever i encounter such experiences with certain pple...God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life" (John 3:16).this love that we received from Him overpowers any hard feelings we have for this world that we live in......focus on the truth and the truth will set you free!
jel; 12:59 pm
