Friday, December 31

1- well, some pple can't afford it...they dun have the opportunity to own one...so does that give u the right to mock at your friend? Does it make u more superior than others? I think you put yourself above others....is this the way? I doubt u ever reflect on that...
Absolutely rude...I'm disgusted...

2- is this how u treat your friend? To see your friend reduced to such a state?....even if its meant to be a joke, the fact that u said it and its horribly mean......forget it....why shld I even bother abt u in the first place?.....I doubt u even notice or bother abt the care and concern others have shown you...........

3- again, some pple just can't afford that.....you didn't understand the situation or shld I say, try to......well fine, just leave me out and dun tell me anything...I dun care...btw, its not the first time.....you can continue treating your friends lk that and I dun care abt how your attitude s****.......

Is this what I'm looking for? No I dun think so.....all the selfishness and self-centreness is killing me!!!!!!!!

Trying to let out some frustration here.....feel much better now......i guess this is the best outlet to vent all my anger which I dun normally do elsewhere........for those reading these now, just ignore everything cause its not meant for anyone to read in the first place.....and dun bother abt figuring out who/what I'm referring to cause I'm not trying to pinpoint on any single person........

jel; 9:06 am

Thursday, December 30

jel; 8:53 am

weeks ago, someone told me smthng...it kind of struck me initially...but i chose to ignore it or shld i say, refuse to admit it...but these few days or past week, i can't help but begin to admit its kinda true...well, maybe not totally at this moment but i was trying hard not to believe it in the first place, trying to find excuses and reasons..just to make everything seem false....

i dun want to hurt anyone....its kinda of disappointing for me and for those involved...sometimes you jus seek for different things and i'm already glad i was able to be in a similar direction as the rest...although at many instances, things jus doesn't seem right, some stuffs are not in place...i can't say what....its not what i'm looking for....i wan it to go on a deeper level and it shld be...but it isn't...

i'm thankful for what i have...learn to accept and grow....although its not exactly what i'm seeking for but its already the envious of others.....
i'm already happy with what i have.....

jel; 8:42 am

Saturday, December 25

just came back from orchard....didn't buy anything...this time its not because i didn't see anything nice but its because i dun have that much budget for clothes....saw a very nice levi's shirt...i think it looked gd...the more i look at it, the more i want to buy...its a pretty gd buy for a levi's item...but its still way higher than any shirt that i own...sigh..and there's that puma jacket which i've seen for numerous times...this time there's 10% discount but it still cost slightly over a hundred...sigh...some things are better left on the shelves than in my cupboard....

jel; 7:50 pm

Exchanged xmas gifts at candice's hs yesterday...haha..so fun trying to surprise everyone with their gifts...stupid, they tried to fool me with the frying pan again...but at least they got the nike cap and topman belt that I said I lked for me...hey, thanks a lot guys...those two will come in very useful for me...I can't say that for the pan though...and Candice showed us this slideshow that she had painstakingly done for the past weeks...something to show her appreciation for the four of us and to commemorate our journey since we become close after prelims...oh my...I was so damn shocked to see that...i wldn't think anyone wld have done such a thing...I think everyone was touched although they didn't show it...py told me she wanted to give Candice a hug...suddenly at the point of time of watching it, I felt lk having a grp hug...I just wish that time wld stand still at that moment...everyone so close to one another....

Later sl and alwyn went back for dinner and py and I just followed Candice to pan pacific where her family booked two rooms...I think its damn cool to have rooms to stay on xmas eve...anw, we ended up joining her extended family for dinner in the rooms and in the end we decided to stay overnight there...it was a last min decision so we didn't bring anything along but anw...went down orchard to join the crowd...the last time I was there on eve was during the millennium countdown and boy, was it crowded down there last night...as this time its xmas, everyone seem to have bought those foam sprays along...its damn fun..everyone spraying ard at strangers, just practically anyone walking down the road and the entire pedestrian walk seem to turn into a foam party...everyone's on a extremely high mood and crazy too...u can just walk down and out of nowhere, everyone wld just start spraying foam and its lk falling snow...it feels so unsafe without a spay in hand caus eyou can't 'attack' back...the party mood at the taka/wisma area is definitely at one of its highest points...but we wasn't prepared to have some dirty fun and the smell of the aerosol spray isn't that tolerable either, so we continued walking to the quieter part of orchard...well, maybe in future when there's opportunities, we can always join in the crazy atmosphere....

Anw, when we reached back to the hotel, we just bathed, watch tv and played cards till lk 4 plus before sleeping...slept quite well, that's why I managed to wake up after a few hours of sleep....going out later soon....

Anw, this yr's xmas is definitely one of the most memorable...there's a lot of firsts....oh and py and I were saying we were very envious of Candice cause she gets to celebrate her xmas in this way everyone...with the hotel rooms...but we managed to get to share a bit of that privilege this yr....and this yr, her friends are with her too....anw, thanks for inviting us and letting us stay...only if sl and alwyn were ard too, then it'll be perfect...

Merry Christmas Everyone!

jel; 1:05 pm

Tuesday, December 21

ha...now at alwyn's hs...just now at joel's hs..later going to sl's hs.....but sl's visit is a surprise and he doesn't know it yet...meant to be a surprise....later then we'll meet up with py for dinner in town...first time we meeting sl after lk 9 days?...ya....

supposed to do sl's present today ut ya, a bit screwed up, so nvm...these few days....but tmr we going shopping..i hope they return me some money so that i can use....running out of money, i think....

jel; 4:14 pm

Happy Birthday Joel!

haha...at least now i know 2.5 presents completed by now...finish wrapping yesterday night....today we're going to complete one more....i do hope everyone lk their presents....i hope i do for mine.....

jel; 10:52 am

Monday, December 20

Somewhere I Belong

just went to yishun just now...dun know why but i always felt reluctant to go back each time...
something is holding me back....
its fear of smthng....
fear of the memories there...
as i walked to home...every thing there reminds me of something...memories of the past...some flats have been repainted, some things changed...yet, this is the familiar place i've been living in for the past 16 yrs....
it seems lk every path home reminds me of a past memory.....every tree, every building, every shop....
although i've not been staying there for the past 2 yrs and have not been going back often since, it seems lk i've not left the place at all...it seems lk i've been staying there all these while....

saw the repeat telecast of mvp valentine on tv....it was the same show i watched during that period of time...it seems lk i have travelled back in time...back to when everything was fine....before anything else happened........

i wish things were still the same as before...but no, i'm not going to look back.......
i'm glad to see my cousin living comfortably....
i miss my 'aunt'...truly........

i've such a strong feeling towards the place....a strong attachment which is irreplacable....
16 yrs....my entire childhood and a great part of my teens....
just smthng which will always stay somewhere within me....

i was forced to adapt, to change and to learn.....and to learn how to control my emotions
but i'm not going to regret anything........
we have to learn to move on with our lives.........

jel; 5:08 pm

Sunday, December 19

just had a nice talk with her...

i hope everything is fine with her......

i hope everything is fime with me too.....

juz wan to let her know, i still care for her as a friend.....

jel; 6:11 pm

well, just came back from town...at least now everyone's presents are more or less settled..save for finishing touches over the next few days and the wrapping part.....we haven settled what to do on xmas eve and where..waiting for sl to come back first...

xmas in less than a week....i feel lk buying lotsa cds and drown in the world of music..............

jel; 5:34 pm

Saturday, December 18

felt upset suddenly........

maybe because i realised something....

maybe becausethings start shaping into places...

it finally drowned on me.....

jel; 10:47 am

well looking forward to having a nice talk with you...

I'm sure you have lotsa stuff to tell me......

I dun wan to leave things hanging there...

The fact that i still care for u, i hope we can clear things up and be friends again......

I wish u all the best........

jel; 10:32 am

Friday, December 17

The past few days I've been doing a lot of stuff...wed went to watch the sleeping beauty ballet performance at esplanade...there wasn't narration so I got a bit lost at times cause I dun really rmb the entire story...I did bought quite a bit of stuff during the day, shopping with alwyn...new jeans, wallet, book...

Oh, thur was exciting, went to jec to ice-skate..my first time there, so obviously I get a bit tensed up trying to learn how to skate for the first time..i got the hang of it in the end...know a bit and pretty much enjoyed myself ...it was a very nice first-time experience...after that, we went kbox...it wasn't planned, just that kbox happened to be beside and we initially wanted to just pop in and ended up staying there for hours..long time since I last went there, that's why I was looking forward to it...sorry if I sang too much and too horrible...can't help it, I just happened to know a lot of songs...poor alwyn, looked so sian throughout...too bad I left early to join my mum for dinner, if not can hear him sing...anw, bought bulky stuff at raffles city with my mum...got a new pair of sneakers at timberland...great buy cause it was abt one-third its original price after discount and voucher...and the stupid bulky stuff caused me lotsa of stares from everyone..so embarrassing..u better be gladful for me...

today went to civil service club for a swim..alwyn is a member there...nothing special happened, just that we nv had a proper swim...the last time at www wasn't swimming at all...went ps to have lunch, shop ard andthen to heeren..and to clarify, I'm not there to watch stef sun perform, just wanted to go hmv...

well, at this point of time, I think only one person's xmas present more or less settled..the others?Hiyah, hope by next week will be settled...

jel; 8:28 pm

Sunday, December 12

i guess i still have lotsa things to say...realise that sometimes although i may say some things but deep down inside, i still have lotsa regrets...maybe i shldn't have been too decisive...maybe i shldn't have been too vague...i'm afraid putting things wrongly may hurt u more...it hurts me when u get hurt..everytime...everytime they tell me how much u likes me, i nv fail to believe..sometimes u may not show or say it, i always believe...everytime ,deep down inside, whenever you are struggling...how i wish i can be given a chance to share it with you, but but i felt neglected...

you have everyone else to share it with...sometimes i dun know why but i can't help but feel that i'm just not given the importance...i choose to believe that it isn't that way but sometimes the its hard not to feel that way...

does anyone actually understands how i feel?...............

no one....thats what i feel............

i'm given the impression that i'm replaceable....i'm just another friend.....as tog with the others, where do i stand? nowhere?...thats how i feel....

now i'm being made the bad guy...thas fine with me, i can't blame the others...they support u...i dun have any...i dun wish things ended up that way..i really dun....i hope we could have sorted things out..but whats the point now........its over now.........

i guess its better to be the bad guy....its easier to start a new life...its harder to move on if u still can't forget abt one...i hope u can forget abt me, but not our memories...times spent tog are not replaceable..each memory is unique...i do hope this hasn't been a wasted time...i hope u can bring with u something and has learned something too...

i wish we cld still be friends..i hope i'm not asking for the impossible...but with your support grp, i reaaly dun know how to face you and the others...whatever it is, i hope life carries on.....

i wish u could read all these.....

jel; 1:19 pm

Saturday, December 11

Supposed to go sentosa with my class pple today...a bit of misunderstanding this morning but nvtheless I'm still there today..sorry to my friends who got a bit worried for my moodiness...I can't explain why I was so moody while on the journey this morning but now I can sort of realise why...maybe it can sort of affect my mood without me actually reading the message...maybe I can already sense its end without me actually knowing it...I just read it on the way home...

It was actually a burden off my mind...I wldn't wan to say much but there's been a lot of misunderstandings and problems all along...I've a lot of things to say but its all not important anymore...I wan to apologise for what happened on that night..i dun know how u found out but I didn't mean to hide it from you...I admit its my fault..i apologise for that...I guess each of us have our own side of the story...I nv try to clarify certain things..there's no point in arguing or whatsoever...I guess I'm at a lost of words now..maybe I'll end here now...

jel; 9:21 pm

Friday, December 10

Guess what? Prom is over...sigh..something that I've been looking forward to for the past 2 yrs is over...but I wld say it has been a great day for me...everyone looked their best and it was a great sight at swissotel...I have no comments for the food but the programmes are similar to cat high's one in some ways...well, doing stupid things...anw, I'm really really glad I managed to take photos with many of my friends...it didn't help that most of us have cameras so it ended up lk if we take a photo in a big grp, everyone has to stay there and wait for all the cameras to be taken...but nevertheless, I was happy to be kept busy doing smthng...some feelings were lacking in the prom...but no doubt, the 37 did try their best to bring out the atm...

There is smthng that happened over the past 2 days that really made me all confused...I dun know what to do..how to approach it and how to react...felt a bit guilty, a bit blessed, a bit fortunate and at the same time felt very comfortable...I was very touched at one moment of time and I'm very glad we cleared up a lot of doubts last night...I think it takes up a lot of courage...actually what happened at that time reminds me of a character 'jin' in The Rose...anw, no doubt the moment was fleeting, but at least it was everlasting...I felt so bad at one point of time...its lk I also dunno what to do and everything just seem to happen naturally...hehheh, at least I wun forget what happened...

jel; 8:42 am

Wednesday, December 8

Ok..today is the day...getting prepared for it...hope I'll rmb to bring all the stuff that I’m supposed to bring...today will be a great day ahead...

To my idol: thank you for that call last night..i dun know but I feel so much better after the call and I did sleep well too...I will look for you today...

jel; 8:33 am

Tuesday, December 7

Strange thing though, recently keep hearing pple around having problems with relationships or shld I say matters concerning love...I dun know whether it has anything to do with exams but strangely it is linked one way or another...today someone came to talk to me abt her problems..i know you're reading this...I'll just say I'm amazed at how devoted she is..as what is always said..you only lose someone who doesn't love u but he loses someone who loves him..well, I admit that I'm not gd at giving advices and I'm definitely not a love consultant but I can be a gd listening ear and I'll try my best to put a smile back into u...

Cherish those u loved...

jel; 5:31 pm

Finally got my hair coloured yesterday..alwyn brought us to his mum's hairstylist at tanjong pagar...she's quite old but very very professional...the place is very cosy and she made us feel very comfortable..we were the only customers and she started talking to us the moment we stepped in...throughout the time we were there, we had lessons on bleaching, hair colouring and hair styling...she's definitely not lk the usual hair stylist that we normally go to...we even started talking abt university studies in U.S. and she mentioned abt her son and her customers...we got a shock when we knew some of her customers include high profile personnals and president scholars...

She's really very different..and we got to know her better after 3 hours there...a highly educated lady whose been to U.S..not the usual aunties but more of a refined person..she prob did hairstyling out of passion and love..that explains why we were charged so so cheap for the service..only $20 for cut, wash and bleach...I really do admire her from a certain perspective..someone who can definitely achieve much more with her abilities but choose to open a hair salon in a nostalgic part of tanjong pagar..happy and contented with her little shop..doing things out of pure interest and out of satisfaction of doing new looks out of her customers...

Its really amazing to find someone lk her in a remote corner of Singapore where few pple pass by and needless to say, few yg pple around...where mostly older folks roam ard the mostly old shops which prob had been there for decades...its really a different experience for me yesterday and we gladly stayed there for at least 3 full hours...a place far away from orchard where yg pals hang out..and that reminds me I still have not visited some parts of Singapore which I had wanted to explore..places where its glorious days had passed and only thing left behind is history...I still believe I had many parts of the bras basah area still left unexplored...

Ok..need to go out already..tmr is the day and I’m looking forward to it...

jel; 10:12 am

Sunday, December 5

hmmm..shld i go out later? thinking of getting the friends seasons 5 and 6 at hmv...just to keep me occupied at home..was raining just now but it has stopped so there's no excuse for not going out...hmmm..have to make up my mind fast then i can catch a lift there...

going to dye my hair tmr with them after the navy seminar...wonder what time the navy thing will end...haven't decided what colour to dye yet..just hoping it'll turn out gd...

jel; 2:54 pm

begin to lk this song recently after watching a drama serial...the lyrics and the melody...

jel; 2:36 pm

Friday, December 3

After shopping in town for the past few days, we finally had some fun yesterday at downtown east...bought the combo tix which allows us excess to both escape and wild wild wet..only tried 3 rides at escape...had fun just laughing and screaming during the rides...felt so gd...but escape a bit boring...the real fun really begins at w.w.w.... first time there...so everything was so new and exciting for us...most of the activities weren't scary except for the slide up...where 2 pple seated opp each other on a boat and slide down a u-shaped slide...the moment that u slide down is the most terrifying...u feel lk u are going to fly off..but the feeling is so shiok...its simply out of this world...too bad didn't get to try it again...the other activities are more of fun than scary...one that all 5 of us sat on that boat and slide down..and we had to watch out for the camera along the way..haha and alwyn managed to pose for the camera the second time...oh and the tsunami pool where there's waves in the water...we simply had fun just jumping around and catching the waves...haha, just the thought of it makes me laughwe did lotsa stuff at that pool..sitting at the edge of the pool, waiting for each wave to hit us...spent lotsa time there...and that was the shiok river, with alwyn trying to learn how to swim and the professor lab where we played with water and waited for the giant yakult can to pour the gush of water at us...haha..so fun...

nv had so much fun for a long long time...having so much laughter and simply letting ourselves down...it not the screaming rides and exciting activities that I had the most fun...but its doing simple things that we do tog in the water which I call pure fun...its strange when sometimes the simplest things in life can be the most enjoyable...although we only spent abt 5 hours there, I wld rather say it's the quality of time spent there that matters most..i've enjoyed every single moment of it and it wouldn't be as fun without anyone of u guys...thank you so much for bringing out the laughter in me...Candice, if you're reading this: hope we brought some joy in you yesterday...there's many other things in life which we can look forward to...having friends who can bring out the laughter in you is something equally important...

after de, although tired, I couldn't believe we still can fork out energy to watch polar express at tm...I'm so glad I didn't fall asleep in the cinemas...not only because I'm tired but also the movie was so cliche...not exciting at all...sad to say, it can be considered the worst movie I've watched this yr...just to give it some credit, it has great animations, songs and its full of Christmas spirit, highly recommended for kids or those young-at-heart who still believe in Christmas and the existence of santa clause...if not, just treat the movie as a fiction story...

I nv had a more fulfilling day than yesterday and I'm so glad that I've got to spent it that way...although now I'm all tanned up and sunburnt..and the worst thing is ,my nose look red now...nvm, it'll be alright by prom...talking abt prom..we've finally booked a room at swissotel...now dun need to worry abt what to do before and after the prom...but I've to be there early that day cause I'm the one who made the reservations and footing the bill first which means I'll have to do my hair early...so fast..prom coming next week...

jel; 11:08 am

Wednesday, December 1

Yesterday I went orchard again but this time it's the four of them..we more or less settled on what to wear already...haha, then dun know who suggested a name for us...black 5 (after maroon 5)..cause we'll all be wearing full black..haha, so funny...accidentally it was a coincidence...I've already bought full black clothes..then py looks best in black cause of her tan..then Candice tried on a few but black turns out the nicest as for the other two guys..we saw a nice black shirt for sl and only black pants matches that...and lastly for alwyn, we decided to look only at black clothes cause the four of us are wearing black...but at least everyone found something they lk...

Walked all the way from orchard to esplanade after dinner and spent the rest of the night there...my first time at the roof terrace...it was just renovated and that place is super windy..highly recommended place..went down to the riverside...I always have a different feeling each time I go there...we just sat there and stoned..not that we haven't stoned enough in nj but its just nice sometimes to just relax and not care abt any stuff lk rush back home or worry abt this and that..just enjoying every moment and soaking in the atmosphere...no worries no stress, just carefree...staring out at the sea, looking up at the starless night sky, enjoying the stress..we didn't talk much, just purely sitting there...haha, then we decided to have a little by calling some classmates to confirm the prom stuff...a little fun there, making a little bit of noise...that's how I want to spend the night...

jel; 10:01 am